So clever me, I decided to give up college for my new job in Brentwood , thought it was better to be earning money & learning than just learning for nothing… Silly me. I now work in a call centre where everybody judges you by what you wear, how you look.. I have constant rude customers on the phone & I feel like nobody likes me. Woo.
I feel like I start the day with this huge amount of energy & then I leave there feeling like a saggy bag of bones, I call my new job “The Vampire” , the place that sucks the arse out of your energy.
I have a couple of boys there that seem to be “interested” in wanting to know me, but they are both close friends so I spend more time concentrating on avoiding them than I do on my actual job (if I bump into them they tend to have an argument with me). Stress levels are rising.
I’ve also been told I’m a nasty view to look at, I’m looked at like a piece of meat & that I’m ugly. I love my job.
On top of this I have my ex messaging me every now & then to just remind me that he’s still alive & that I can’t have him like that anymore THANKS, I get the picture.
Oh & not to forget I’m feeling rather fragile after just watching p.s. I Love You, why did I do that? I have so much more to rant about but I won’t bore anyone that can be bothered to read all of this, I feel lost, genuinely lost & would just like to have some reassurance that I’m not alone… “This is the end of life as we know it”.
I have no idea where to begin, my whole tumblr is just filled with depressing notes on my life.
I’d be lying if I say this one would be different.
So 2013 hasn’t really been my year, I’ve lost friends, gained friends & lost friends again. I’ve been picked up & dropped more times than anyone could cope with, but I’m coping. Well at least I thought I was.
Me & dan have split up, I asked him if he wanted to be with me or not & he couldn’t answer the question. I did everything & more for him, so the underlying question in my head is, why?
When he was hungry, I made him food, when he wanted a massage, I have him one, when he wanted to sleep, I wouldn’t complain because he was still right there with me, when he needed to be pleased in other ways, I sorted it. I never moaned when he went out & he couldn’t even answer a yes or no question.
I should hate him, but guess what? I’m still secretly praying he would turn up on my doorstep & just grab me & kiss me & make everything better, but I guess I’ve watched way too many movies & now have some sort of fairytale in my head.
My life is not a fairytale.
Still can’t really get him out of my head /: , he’s back with his girlfriend now & I’m genuinely happy for them, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt at all. I need to move on, get myself a new life. Friends & college is what I’m gonna focus on for awhile, boys are just a waste of time. Going to see my nan today, she’s dying. It’s really not gonna be the best day of my life, but I’m gonna make the most of what it is.
Well, I knew it was coming, he let me go, but he says he still wants to see me every other day as usual & he says I was perfect for him, but because he come out of a 4 year relationship & jumped into something that was like one, it put him off. He wants freedom, I can understand that, but it hurts so fucking much. Haven’t eaten in 3 days , can’t sleep properly, it’s almost like I have nothing to look forward to anymore, now he’s gone. I was in love with him, it only took a couple of months, but yeah, I loved him. You can never really lose something you never had though right?
Worst feeling ever… Being in love with someone who pretends to love you back. Just leave me already, cos I’m never gonna leave you until you do /:
why guys should have sympathy for girls #periods (Taken with Instagram)
This is fucking genius =’)
You are a fucking cunting wanking annoying little man , now fuck off out of my life before I say or do something I’ll regret.
Hate the way all my girl mates are stunning… I’m always gonna be the frumpy ugly friend.
I don’t tend to come on tumblr a lot as it depresses me, it’s more of a place to vent your unhappiness than it is to vent all the happy things in life, so really I’m just sticking by the rules when I do this post /:
So I started crying while I was at work today and had to run to the loo because my boss don’t deal with women crying which made it worse really (you always tend to cry more when your by yourself). I’m fine with being by myself most of the time but today it got to me /:
I practically have no life at the moment, I do nothing, go nowhere and see no one. I constantly feel ugly, maybe it’s because I don’t bother making an effort anymore, my hair is always like a bush, my spots are constantly on show and I’m putting on weight by the day, I ain’t one if them that complains and don’t do nothing about it though, I mean I’m trying to lose weight, I’m trying to be pretty. Guess my trying ain’t good enough.
The one boy I want don’t want me, or only wants me for one reason, which depresses me beyond belief. I don’t know why I’m being so soppy, I’ve always been quite tough when it comes to boys and stuff, not anymore, I feel like I’m gonna break.
The only thing that’s keeping me happy is that I know I have stuff to look forward to in the near future, best focus on that rather than what’s happening in my life now.